corilannam: (zen fen lantern)
Usually I think that being a fan (a fanficcy slasher/shipper fan especially) is pretty darn cool. In fact, sometimes I wonder how other people cope without a fannish love in their life to think about when on a bus or stopped at traffic lights or stuck in the endless droning meeting from hell.

But the flipside to the love and entertainment is the lurking possibility of long-standing irrational traumas that you can't reasonable explain to non-fannish friends and family. To wit:

Tonight I was on my way home from work, grooving to some tunes on my ipod, like you do. It was on random shuffle, of course, and I was nearly home when one song ended -- and then "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" came on.

Now let me explain. Back when I was a baby fan and discovering the internet, my first online fandom was The X-Files. This was back in college, when I used to leave work or my last class, go to the computer lab, and stay there until 5 or 6 in the morning reading every.single.story in the Gossamer archive.

One night I came across a story titled "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." In this story, Scully (for a reason I no longer recall) was up in space, floating outside in a space suit while Mulder talked to her from mission control, trying to get her back to the space station. Allow me to spoil you: she was not attached to anything. There was also something about hallucinogenic meteors. This does not end well for Scully.

It was the first fanfic story that ever traumatized me. This was... 1996? Early 1997, maybe? Tonight, a dozen years later, that song came on. I twitched for a few seconds, tried to tune it out, then lunged for the skip button.

Every time I hear it. Every single time, I flash right back to "SCULLLLLLLYYYYYY!" and the muffled sobbing on the radio.

I don't remember who wrote that story. I hope it wasn't anyone I now know, because a dozen years later, I still really want to punch that person in the face.

(People who keep burning Merlin at the stake, I'm coming for you next.)
corilannam: (Default)
Usually I think that being a fan (a fanficcy slasher/shipper fan especially) is pretty darn cool. In fact, sometimes I wonder how other people cope without a fannish love in their life to think about when on a bus or stopped at traffic lights or stuck in the endless droning meeting from hell.

But the flipside to the love and entertainment is the lurking possibility of long-standing irrational traumas that you can't reasonable explain to non-fannish friends and family. To wit:

Tonight I was on my way home from work, grooving to some tunes on my ipod, like you do. It was on random shuffle, of course, and I was nearly home when one song ended -- and then "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" came on.

Now let me explain. Back when I was a baby fan and discovering the internet, my first online fandom was The X-Files. This was back in college, when I used to leave work or my last class, go to the computer lab, and stay there until 5 or 6 in the morning reading every.single.story in the Gossamer archive.

One night I came across a story titled "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." In this story, Scully (for a reason I no longer recall) was up in space, floating outside in a space suit while Mulder talked to her from mission control, trying to get her back to the space station. Allow me to spoil you: she was not attached to anything. There was also something about hallucinogenic meteors. This does not end well for Scully.

It was the first fanfic story that ever traumatized me. This was... 1996? Early 1997, maybe? Tonight, a dozen years later, that song came on. I twitched for a few seconds, tried to tune it out, then lunged for the skip button.

Every time I hear it. Every single time, I flash right back to "SCULLLLLLLYYYYYY!" and the muffled sobbing on the radio.

I don't remember who wrote that story. I hope it wasn't anyone I now know, because a dozen years later, I still really want to punch that person in the face.

(People who keep burning Merlin at the stake, I'm coming for you next.)

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Cori Lannam

October 2017

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