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Not all that long ago, it really came home to me in a big way that the life I'm currently leading is not the life I want to be leading. I made a list of Things About My Life Which Suck, and luckily, it turns out that most of the things on that list are more or less fixable by me. So this past weekend I adapted that list into a list of Things to Do to Make My Life Suck Less.

The first thing on the list was ~~building a time machine~~ finally getting my driver's license. I've been putting this off for years and years now for a number of reasons, which mostly come down to finances and nerves. I dismissed the first concern with the thought that even if I can't get a car right away, I should at least be able to drive it in theory, just in case Oprah wants to give me one someday.

The nerves are a little harder to deal with. I'm 28, and I've driven around a parking lot exactly once, and at no time did I feel like I had control of the gigantic metal *thing* I was in. I can't imagine feeling in control of that. Combine that with my natural absentmindedness, and deep inside I'm convinced that I would be a completely unfit driver. I can see it now: I'll be toodling along the highway and my mind will start drifting into pleasant thoughts of House and Wilson making out or Jack and Daniel snarking (and making out) and suddenly there will be another car and there will be a telephone pole and there will be me in a crumpled, flaming wreck on the side of the road and that is how I am doomed to die.

*deep breath*

But you know, it really can't be as hard as that, right? I can figure this driving thing out. Because there are a ton of people who are out there driving around in this country, and I have to think that an enormous number of them are not as smart as me. In fact, a rather significant percent of them are absolute idiots. I know this, because when I go somewhere with friends who drive, they always spend a great deal of the time loudly telling other drivers how stupid they are. So if they can do it, surely I can.

So I went back to the MVA this morning to get my learner's permit for the third time. They did not mock me the way they did the second time, which I appreciated, and I have to say, I'm really impressed with how they've streamlined the entire license-or-permit-getting process over there. I look highly unimpressed in my picture, but hey, I can totally tell that I've lost weight, at least. The weight is the same on this one as on the last one, but that's because I was *really* lying last time.

I've gotten this far before. The next step is to actually call driving schools, find one, learn to drive, and then get the freaking license. Then I'll get to cross something off my long-term to do list, and life will suck a little less. The other things won't be this easy, so I'll take this as practice.

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It really does become completely natural eventually, I promise--it's just like walking, you stop having to think. You're gonna be great. Trust me, you can't be more distractible than I am, and I've only been in a real accident, er, once. In which no one was harmed! And I was seventeen, so I was all teenagery and stuff!

Hee! Perhaps it's better I didn't learn as a teenager, I'm thinking. I must surely be less distractible now. Right? Oooh, look, shiny....

Thanks for the reassurance!

It really gets much, much easier very fast. The learning curve on driving is dramatic. and then it's an autimatic process, which is how you see people eating sandwiches or holding conversations or singing along to REO Speedwagon while driving.

That said, I do think they teach 16-year-olds how because it's easier to learn when you're convinced that you're immortal. :P

Good luck!

Yeah, that's the one reason I wish I could have learned when I was a teenager. The brain and the nerves were so much more malleable back then!

Thanks for the luck!

You can do it!

As for the worry about being distracted by various characters making out, once you get the hang of driving, you will realize you do your various routes (home, work, etc.) on automatic. That doesn't mean you totally space out on all the surrounding dangers, it just means that you will have plenty of brain cells free to also think about House and Wilson making out (which I would never discourage!).

Yes, I'm afraid thinking about House and Wilson making out is an inevitable part of life, which I must somehow learn to incorporate into my driving habits the same way I have into the rest of my life. *g* Good motivation, right?

Driving is a scary, scary thing. It took me much longer than it does most people--the better part of a year--to become at all comfortable behind the wheel, and I've honestly never really gotten the hang of it. On the other hand, if I can do it, so can you. I mean, I drove across the continent twice, I've driven all over Germany and in Manhattan, Boston, and Chicago. I still hate to drive, and I still avoid it whenever possible, but it's an important skill to have, and I'm glad I learned.

In general, I have to say go, you for consciously deciding to make your life a better place to be and taking steps to make sure it happens that way. I am so proud of you for that.

-J

Thank you! I figured, life isn't just going to happen without me, and there's really no reason at all I can't make it better if I just get over the notion that I can't. So, driving. I don't know how I'm going to feel about it, but I won't know until I try, right?

I can be a complete space case sometimes, but I've never yet crashed into anyone else. You'll be fine. It turns into muscle memory very quickly, and as you get more practice, you'll feel more and more comfortable.

Thanks! I'm clinging to that thought. I'm sure in a few months, I'll reread this post and laugh over how nervous I was.

I've crashed a few times (once my fault, twice not) and am still here. Yeah, it's scary, but the pleasures of driving are myriad. :D

Hee! I guess that's reassuring. I'm thinking that the freedom will outweight the scariness, so might as well take the plunge!

My best friend's mother had been driven everywhere by her father - and then her father dropped dead at work of a massive coronary, and her mom got her driver's license (at 50). She was so nervous she wouldn't even START the car because she was convinced that just with it 'on' she would lose control and kill someone. She's driving now (a Jeep) and actually enjoys it.

Also, I didn't get mine until I was 19 and am still an exceptionally timid driver - but I managed it . . . scary as hell, and I repeated driver's ed 3 times because I had a tendency to panic during left turns and lane changes, but I'm still alive and haven't killed anyone.

So, you can do it! I have faith in you. Try Keith's - they specialize in nervous drivers.

Thanks! That's very inspiring. I'm hoping I'll also end up enjoying it, but I'll settle for just not killing anyone (including myself). *g*

And thanks for the suggestion! I'll look up Keith's and see what they've got.

I learned to drive late, too! My tips from that experience, FWIW:

*You are going to be totally nervous and convinced that you'll never be able to do this. That's okay. Because after you've been driving for a month you'll be really puzzled that you didn't know how at some point.

*I don't know where you're located (MVA?) but if possible, learn to drive an automatic first. I realize that people will probably disagree with me, but I attempted to learn a stick originally, and then I was like--um, no. So learn to drive the automatic, and then it's not that hard to go back and add in the skill of shifting.

*Again, this will vary based on your area, but in California, you don't get tested on freeways. So I was Miss Uppity and informed my instructors that I had no desire to pay them 85 dollars an hour to drive on the 10. Again, that's probably not actually the best way to go about it, but I was on a limited budget, and my goal was to be able to pass the test asap. Later, you can get a friend to help you practice more. They'll be bribable for the price of a movie ticket- much cheaper. :)

*Similar to the above: when I was learning, the thing that freaked me out most was the speed with which things moved. I really REALLY think it was a good choice for me to shun freeways initially- to be honest, um, it took me a year or so to work up to it. (I really dislike the feeling of "no control" that comes with high speeds.)

*I would highly recommend packing your lessons in as closely together as you can. I would say that about 90% of driving is muscle memory and ...trained reflexes, I guess? So if you wait a week between lessons, you lose a lot of what you'd built up.

*A lot of learning to drive - for me at least - was simply logging the hours (again, the muscle memory). Things happen too quickly for you to be able to think your way into the correct solution (or perhaps my brain is just really slow) so you need to react unconsciously. If your locale permits you to drive with another liscensed driver in teh car or anything, find a friend and beg. Seriously, it will dramatically cut back on the cost of learning to drive if you can log an hour here or there driving around residential areas.

*You can TOTALLY do this. It's not going to be as hard as you think, and I say this as someone who was so nervous the first time she got behind the wheel she, um, kind of started to cry. (Don't tell anyone.)

Good luck!

Woo! Thanks for all the tips. I will make good use of them, promise. And yeah, my best friend got suckered into agreeing to help me practice -- in fact, it's required by law here (Maryland) to log 60 hours of practice in a car with another licensed driver in addition to the driving school hours before you can even apply for an actual license.

*jitters*

I got my driver's license at the age of 29. Some things I learned:

1. Years of riding buses can give you an unconscious sense of how a bus moves. A car does not move in the same way. Especially, a car doesn't turn corners in the same way that a bus does. Buses make wide turns, cars make much tighter turns. If you're making a right turn in a car, you do not have to move to the left side of the lane to prepare for the turn.

2. Don't get too close to the car ahead of you. This applies both when you're moving (because it's dangerous to tailgate) and also when you're stopped. If you stop too close to the car ahead of you, you a) cannot see past it to check out what's ahead, and b) cannot edge past it if it turns out that the car ahead of you is stalled.

3. If you have trouble keeping the car centered in the lane, the trick is to look a couple of car-lengths ahead and focus on the spot that you (not the entire car) will be passing over. This "spot" will be about two or three feet to the right of the left-hand lane marking (unless you're driving a car with the steering wheel on the right). Aim yourself (not the whole car) towards that spot. The rest of the car will slide into place.

Good luck.

Yes - one of the best pieces of advice I was given was to watch not the brake-lights of the car directly ahead of me, but the brake-lights of the car two or three cars ahead of me, so that I'll have more reaction time for what's coming up and be able to respond more evenly.

Also (and this drove my father nuts until the time I used it) I keep a substantial cushion between me and the car ahead of me if we're stopped in traffic. This way if a car behind me looks as though they're coming too fast I can take my foot of the brake and roll to avoid being rear-ended. The timing is crucial, and I'm weird for scanning my rear-view mirror rather than ahead of me when stopped, but in DC you never know what those crazies are gonna do.

Word! I got rear-ended three times (and had to have my bumper replaced twice) before I started obsessively checking my rearview mirror (and bought a car with sturdier bumpers). I haven't been rearended again.

Wow, thanks! That's great advice, and you've totally put your finger on a lot of my specific driving worries. Perhaps it's a common thread for longtime bus riders? I'm definitely going to use those tips.

Yay!!!

Go you - I know you can do it!!!

Hey - you remember my friends A&J? J only learned to drive about 4, 5 years ago. I'll ask him what driving school he used, though I think they were living in Silver Spring at the time. I'll get back to you on it, I think they liked the place.

Thanks! And that would be great if he had a school to recommend. Even if they were in SS, a lot of places have locations all over the area. Part of why I've been avoiding this is just how overwhelming choosing a place is. Nobody has websites!! *g*

What they all said about driving.

I had an "I don't like this life" epiphany, too, and started massage school two weeks before my 30th birthday. It cost a bunch of money and it was 10 years before I could quit the office job and that was terrifying, but when I think of how bored and physically sick I would be if I'd spent the past 22 years in that same treadmill, it's worth every "eek!"

GO FOR IT, GIRL!

Wow, way cool! I've been trying to convince myself of that, and I think I'm finally there. I figure, I can be poor and miserable in this crappy job, or poor and happy doing something better. Really a no-brainer, I suppose, because I so don't want to spend the rest of my life in a treadmill. :-)

Poor and happy is better. Better for the health, too. A couple of good books: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, and Do What You Love, the Money Will Follow. Some jobs are a bit better with the money part than others, but what the hell...

What are you aiming to do? I hope you keep us posted!

Go you!

Thanks!

good for you on the driver's license. and i remember the first time getting in a car and actually *driving*. it felt very peculiar compared to a horse. but it does get easier. just give yourself permission to learn slowly and carefully. and yeah, watch out for the other guy.

and if you had a time machine where would you go, what would you do? sorry, i can't resist asking. ;)

Horses are very easy in comparison, yeah. A horse once dumped me off onto a cactus, but it wasn't life-threatening. *g*

And if I had a time machine, I would totally go back to my last semester of high school and try a few key decisions differently.

gah, that sounds like more than a close call. meep. although i've had some crash and burns on a horse....just never in a cactus. meep.

intriguing about going back to highschool. i think i'd go back to a term in college to change a few decisions. but sometimes i end up thinking it wouldn't have ultimately changed the outcome of the situation. and then i start pondering going back several thousand years to see the ziggurat of Ur being built. or the dead play at cornell in may of 1977. *veg*

I offer this piece of encouragement. Once you get the basics down, driving is way cool!

I'll take your word for it, for the moment. *g* Certainly plenty of people seem to love it, so there must be something to it, right?

There is hope.

I got my first US licence at age 31, first UK licence at age 40. I can now drive the LA roads (if not the LA freeways) without having nightmares. It is do-able, and gets better with practice. Do be picky with your driving instructor: if s/he's not talking you through things a fair amount of the time, pushing you to do better every lesson, but just sits there saying very little, or worse, gets cross, ditch that instructor and get another one *immediately*.

And go you for deciding to do it :)

Thanks for the advice and encouragement! I definitely think finding the right instructor is key, and it's one of the more daunting parts of this whole process.

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