Alexander the Gay

[corilannam]

As promised, here's my rundown of the homoerotic content of Alexander.  I'm doing this mostly for my own entertainment, since it may be a whole three or four days before I can see it again, but hopefully it will also prove entertaining to those who haven't gotten to see it yet, or who have seen it and want to relive the lovely shippy moment of their choice.   I'll also be adding a bit of my own commentary and interpretation, because I just can't help myself.

I'm obviously doing this all from memory, and my memory for details can be sketchy at the best of times, so if you've seen the movie and notice I've missed something or put dialogue in a wrong scene or something, please correct me! [NOTE: Now edited for accuracy after my second viewing of the movie. Corrections and additions still welcome.]

And now....



Alexander/Hephaistion

We first meet Hephaistion in Leonidas' school, where wee!Alexander is wrestling with an unnamed boy.  Their teacher yells advice and encouragement, but Alexander loses the match and is pinned by the other boy.  When they get up and brush themselves off, wee!Alexander is visibly pissed off at having lost, but Leonidas praises the other boy by name -- Hephaistion.  Wee!Hephaistion looks earnestly at his royally pissed off friend and says, "Would you want me to let you win, Alexander?"

Wee!Alexander glares at him, and says, "Someday I'll beat you, Hephaistion." This establishes Hephaistion as the one friend who will always be honest with Alexander, even when he doesn't want it.

As the scene fades out, we hear the ubiquitous Ptolemy voiceover telling us the famous quote: "They say Alexander was never defeated -- except by Hephaistion's thighs."

[Note:  At this point, I was still sure they were going to be coy about the relationship, and were placing that quote here so that it might be mistakenly interpreted as being about the wrestling.  Thankfully, I was immediately proved wrong.]

After that, we see wee!Alexander again at Mieza, being taught in a group of his friends by the great philosopher Aristotle.  Young Kassander is there, looking poisonously at Alexander and Hephaistion sitting side by side, and asks Aristotle what he thinks of men lying down with men.  You know, in that way.  Was Achilles lesser because of his love for Patroklos? Aristotle hesitates, because he knows damn well who this is aimed at, and then answers that men lie down together for lust or power, it's a very bad thing.  But if men lie down together for the sake of love and knowledge, then they can build great things together.  Alexander looks quite pleased with this answer.

Soon after, we see a slightly less wee Alexander in the caves (or possibly the lowest level of the palace) with his father.  Philip is showing Alexander the paintings of the various mythological heroes -- Achilles, Oedipus, Prometheus, Heracles, all of whom will become themes for Alexander's life in different ways.  But first they speak of Achilles, as Philip notes that Achilles chose to die young in exchange for eternal glory.  Young Alexander likes this idea very much -- because Achilles loved Patroklos and avenged him, and then joined him in death.  Hold this thought.

Later, we have Alexander (who has now grown into Colin Farrell) with his mother, Olympias.  Philip is about to marry another wife, and Olympias urges Alexander to marry quickly and have his own heir to solidify his position as the next king of Macedonia. Alexander is very reluctant to do this, and Olympias knows why. She says the girls are gossiping that Alexander doesn't like them much, and that he likes Hephaistion more. Alexander fires back that Hephaistion loves him for himself, not for his position. Olympias is scornful of the idea of love.

At Philip's wedding banquet, Hephaistion (who has grown into Jared Leto) sits by Alexander and exchanges frequent meaningful glances with him. He doesn't say very much, but he is very, very pretty. When things start getting ugly, he's the first up to defend Alexander with his fists.

The night before the great battle at Gaugamela is the first time we see them alone together.  Alexander is standing at the edge of the camp, looking out into the darkness and brooding.  Hephaistion comes up behind him, and they talk about the next day as they walk back into camp.  Alexander stops to socialize with some of the men; Hephaistion stays off to the side, waiting for Alexander until they resume their walk.  Hephaistion tells Alexander that when he thought about what they were doing, it all seemed so much bigger than them.  Alexander teasingly asks him if Patroklos said such things to Achilles at the walls of Troy.  Hephaistion shoots right back that Patroklos died first.

They're now at the entrance to Alexander's tent, and Alexander turns around, looking striken by the idea.  He tells Hephaistion that if Hephaistion dies, "even if it means Macedonia loses a king," he will avenge Hephaistion and then follow him down into the house of death.  Keep holding this thought.

Then they stare angstily and longingly at each other.

Eventually, Alexander says, "On the eve of battle, it is hardest to be alone."

Slowly, flirtatiously, Hephaistion replies, "This could be farewell... my Alexander."

"Don't fear," Alexander says. "We are only at the beginning."

Then they hug, very tenderly, and Hephaistion leaves with obvious reluctance.

Later on, Alexander has defeated Darius and he enters Babylon (which is just gorgeous, by the way) with his army.  He and his companions tour Darius's palace, and stumble into the gardens, where Darius's massive harem is lounging about.  The men slowly wander in awe of the surroundings and the gorgeous women.  This is also where we see Bagoas for the first time.

As they come down the steps, Darius's eldest daughter comes out to plead for the lives of her family -- only she starts pleading to Hephaistion, who is a few steps further down than Alexander.  One of her attendants tries to stop her, but she keeps pleading, and Hephaistion looks back over his shoulder at Alexander with amusement and embarrassment as the other Macedonians laugh their asses off.  At last the princess realizes her mistake and stops, utterly mortified.  But Alexander comes down the steps and reassures her that she wasn't wrong, for "He is also Alexander."

[Note: In history, this incident is said to have actually happened, except that it was in a tent on the battlefield, and it was Darius's mother who makes the mistake and prostrates herself before Hephaistion, who in real life was said to be taller and more kingly in looks than Alexander himself.  The daughter in the movie is the one Alexander eventually marries, and gives her younger sister to Hephaistion so that their children will be cousins.]

Later still, Alexander has firmly installed himself in the palace as king of Persian.  He and most of the men are now wearing Persian clothes and jewels, and his companions are partying most hearty.  Alexander, however, is lounging on his bed, reading a letter from his mother.  He grows angrier the more he reads, as she tells him how each of his companions, by name, is horrible and plotting against him, with the notable exception of Hephaistion.

And who walks in just then?  Hephaistion, of course, looking absolutely delicious in a simple Persian-style robe and some jewelry and eyeliner, carrying a cup of wine.  He doesn't bother saying anything as he enters, he strolls up and comes around the bed behind Alexander.  Alexander reaches up and takes his hand briefly, and it seems like he kisses it. Hephaistion starts reading the letter over Alexander's shoulder, and soon begins rubbing Alexander's shoulders soothingly. 

Eventually Alexander stands up and asks Hephaistion to stay with him that night.  Hephaistion says nothing, but looks significantly off to his left.  The camera pans down and we see for the first time that Bagoas is there, preparing Alexander's bath.  "I'll take my own bath tonight," Alexander calls to him. "Thank you, Bagoas." Bagoas looks upset to be dismissed (and to be leaving Alexander alone with Hephaistion), but he goes.

Alexander talks about his dreams and ambitions for his empire as they wander out onto the balcony and look out over Babylon.  Hephaistion is giving him a reality (and ego) check, but then the mood of the scene changes when Hephaistion asks him if there is no room for love in his life.
Alexander passionately reassures Hephaistion that he is the only one Alexander trusts, he loves Hephaistion and would be lost without him. He looks longingly at Hephaistion and says that he's missed him. Hephaistion looks into Alexander's eyes, and says that his eyes "still strike him." They're both very emotional as Alexander pulls Hephaistion into his arms and Hephaistion whispers into his ear that he's so jealous of losing Alexander to this empire he's building. They promise that they will always be together.

[Note: This is one place where it's very clear that a kiss was originally scripted for this moment.  Start campaigning now for the unrated director's cut!  Also, it's another historical tidbit, that many high-ranking people got their knickers in a twist because Hephaistion would often come up and read Olympias's letters over Alexander's shoulder -- a public display of familiarity he should have been rebuked for, but of course, never was.]

After they leave Babylon and travel through Bactria and Sogdia, the Ptolemy voiceover tells us that Alexander does something no one can understand -- he marries a barbarian princess named Roxane.  She danced for him and fell in love with him, and against all the advice of his companions (who want his first wife, and thus his heir, to be Macedonian) Alexander marries her.

We don't see much of Hephaistion through the discussion (he's standing behind Alexander, leaning against the wall and drinking heavily, bless his heart) and then the wedding, but on the wedding night Alexander is waiting in his bedchamber, naked under his robe, for Roxane to be brought to him.  There's an urgent knocking at the door, and Hephaistion slips in, motioning for Alexander to stay silent.  Alexander's expression is one of pain and grief as Hephaistion comes up to him, fumbling to unwrap a linen cloth that contains large ring that has a topaz or amber-like stone.  

Hephaistion is obviously distressed and trying badly to hide it -- they're both visibly fighting back tears.  He tells Alexander that he got this ring in Egypt, where the man who sold it to him told him that it came from a time ruled by the sun and the stars.  Hephaistion takes Alexander's hand and slips the ring onto his left ring finger, telling him that it reminds him of Alexander, because Alexander and his dreams are like the sun, shining down on them.

They embrace passionately, comforting each other. Hephaistion's hands are on Alexander's face, and it looks for all the world like they're going to kiss, but the camera obscures it as it cuts to the right to reveal Roxane standing at the door with two attendants, looking furious.  Alexander and Hephaistion jerk their heads around, but are still holding each other as they look at her in shock.  She angrily dismisses her attendants, and Hephaistion also slips away into the shadows.

"You love him?" Roxane demands, staring at the ring on Alexander's hand.

Alexander slowly comes down the stairs toward her, clearly unsure of what to say.  "He is Hephaistion," he says simply. "There are many different ways to love."

She isn't having any of that, however, and fights him ferociously when he reaches for her.  At last he gets her on the bed and strips her naked, then shucks his own robe and is wearing only a loincloth.  And Hephaistion's ring. 

They face each other over the bed, and slowly Alexander takes off the ring.  It's barely off his finger before Roxane grabs it and hurls it across the room, where it clatters on the floor.  The sex scene continues, very violently.  Later, Roxane is apparently asleep, but Alexander is already out of bed, and we see him solemnly putting Hephaistion's ring back on his finger. Then he touches Roxane's face, saying, "If only you weren't a pale reflection of my mother's heart." He douses the light and doesn't see Roxane's eyes open.

In what is probably the next morning, Alexander is standing at the edge of a tent, his hand held up so that he can gaze at the ring.  As far as we see, he never takes it off again.  As the movie continues, his relationship with Roxane visibly deteriorates even more as she fails to become pregnant and continues to resent his lack of commitment to her.

Much later, after Alexander has murdered Kleitos, he falls into a deep despair.  He weeps in his tent for three days, during which only Bagoas and Hephaistion are allowed to tend him.  Roxane tries to storm into his room, asserting her spousal rights, but Hephaistion comes out and denies her.

"I am his wife," she says angrily.

"He doesn't need you," Hephaistion tells her without even a pretense of civility.

"But he needs you?" she snipes.

He does not answer, he just gives her a little half-smile, triumphant, almost smirking, and turns to go back in to continue trying to talk Alexander out of his depression. He isn't very successful, but there is much angst and caressing of Alexander's face and hair.

In the last battle in the jungle, when Alexander and Bucephalus are felled by arrows, Hephaistion fights his way to Alexander, and Alexander sees him also fall, wounded while trying to defend Alexander. As Alexander is eventually born away on top of his shield, he turns his head and sees Hephaistion, still lying wounded. Hephaistion is leaning on Bucephalus, his hands gently comforting the horse as he watches Alexander being carried away. It's a really lovely shot. Later, Alexander presents himself, somewhat healed, to the army and tells them they're going home -- and there's one shot of Hephaistion, reclining there, still convalescing himself.

Then at last we come back to Babylon, where Hephaistion falls ill.  Alexander is in his room, yelling at the doctor, unable to believe that Hephaistion could be so sick, so quickly.  "He was fine last night!" he says, but the doctor says that he thinks Hephaistion may have typhus from mixing his wine with the local water.  Alexander picks up the goblet of wine from the beside table, tasting it with a fingertip, obviously already suspecting foul play. The doctor assures Alexander that Hephaistion will be fine, as Hephaistion convulses on the bed in fevered agony.

Alexander throws everyone out of the room and goes to Hephaistion's side.  He strokes Hephaistion's face and hair. Hephaistion tries to joke that he's feeling much better, but it just makes Alexander start to cry. He begs Hephaistion not to leave him, that he's nothing without Hephaistion. They're going to invade Arabia in the spring, and he won't leave without Hephaistion. Hephaistion laughs and remembers that when they were boys, Alexander used to dress Hephaistion up as a sheikh and then wave his little wooden scimitar at him.

Hephaistion tells Alexander that they're just following the example of Achilles and Patroklos, but Alexander doesn't want to live that myth anymore -- that was for young men.  "But it's a beautiful myth," Hephaistion says through his pain.  You're still holding that thought from before, right?

Alexander gets up, saying Hephaistion can't leave because they have so much still to do.  He goes to the window, his back deliberately to Hephaistion, and looks out over Babylon as he describes to Hephaistion everything they're going to do together.  They're going to conquer the rest of the world next -- Arabia, Italy, Europe -- and they'll live together with their wives and children, and someday when they're very old, they'll sit on their balcony and look out over the beautiful world they've created together. Over his shoulder, we see Hephaistion convulse in his death throes, then quietly breathe his last breath. Alexander twitches, but can't turn around. He knows, he absolutely knows, but he can't look. (This is a sharp contrast to the aftermath of Gaugamela, when he held a fallen soldier and comforted him while someone put him out of his misery).

Finally Alexander stops and turns around.  Hephaistion lies still, eyes open, dead. "Hephaistion?" Alexander says, still fighting his denial. "Hephaistion?"

The camera cuts to the palace corridors and Alexander's anguished scream echoes through them.  His friends and the doctor burst into Hephaistion's chamber to find Alexander lying on Hephaistion's body, weeping hysterically.  "You all hated him!" Alexander shouts and won't let anybody touch him or Hephaistion. "Where's the doctor?"

The doctor stammers in terror that he doesn't understand what happened.  Hephaistion should have been just fine.  Alexander screams for him to be taken out and executed at once.   He finally stills when he looks up and sees the remnants of Hephaistion's last meal still sitting on the night table -- some chicken, grapes, and wine. 

He leaps up and storms out into the hallway.  He rages through the palace until he bursts into Roxane's chambers and throws out all her attendants. She is unconcerned at first, telling him to get out if he's drunk again.  He grabs her and starts throwing her around, yelling that she's taken everything he ever loved from him. She still doesn't know what the hell he's talking about, until he says that "many hated him, but none would have dared, none but you."

"Hephaistion is dead?" she says and immediately realizes her peril. He starts trying to throttle her, seeing both her and his mother overlapping. She's gasping, begging for her life, telling Alexander that she's carrying his unborn child until he finally releases her with a comment about the poor child being cursed.  It's clearly only this fact that saves her from his rage. He staggers out, screaming at her, "Never touch me again!"

[Note: Historically, Alexander wasn't there when Hephaistion died, but went into hysterics when he came and found his body.  I wasn't sure whether to hope Oliver Stone would change that and let Alexander be there, but I think we got the best of both worlds here.  He got to be there with his lover, and yet the shock of his first glimpse of Hephaistion dead was still preserved.]

It's unclear how much time passes between Hephaistion's death and Alexander's, but they imply that it is not long at all.  Alexander is at a party.  He stands, holding a goblet of wine.  Across the room, Kassander is watching him avidly.  Earlier in the movie, someone had tried to poison Alexander, but his instincts stopped him from drinking just in time.  This time, he seems to have the same instinct when he smells the wine, and he looks over to meet Kassander's eyes.  All the people who were against him at points in the movie are watching him tensely. Then deliberately, he raises the cup and drains it.

He falls to ground a moment later in agony, and soon we're at his deathbed.  He is delirious as Roxane weeps over him, begging him not to leave her and their still-unborn child, and his generals beg him to name a successor, lest the empire fall into ruin.  He mutters something, but they don't understand him, and as they argue over the meaning, Alexander slips Hephaistion's ring off his finger one last time.  He holds it up as though invoking either Hephaistion's spirit, or the sun itself.  He no longer hears the people around him; his life flashes before his eyes, he sees his sacred eagle swoop down over him, and then the ring falls to the floor and Alexander is gone. Ptolemy's voice notes that he has now fulfilled his vow to Hephaistion.

*sniffle*

Oh, and you can stop holding that thought.  We're done now. *g*



I'm out of time, so I'll have to do Bagoas and the miscellaneous homoerotica later.  Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Comments

[margueritem.livejournal.com]

Oh. my. god. I'm definitely going to see that movie tomorrow. Wild horses couldn't stop me. I'd beat them to death and eat them while watching the movie. *is hungry and wants to see the gay love*

Thank you for this review!

[franzi1981.livejournal.com]

Oh Squeeeeeeeee! :D

[frahulettaes.livejournal.com]

What a relief!
I was so sure he'd go down the Troy route and heterosize it.
Thanks for the nice review.
It would've been nice to see them actually doin it but it sounds like you got the next best thing.
fra

[pollitt.livejournal.com]

Sigh. Just...sigh.

I need to see this movie again, just to reabsorb the A/H of it all (I reread most of Fire From Heaven last night...my copy of the book is older than I am :) Honestly I'm surprised I remembered my own name after the preview screening on Tuesday.

By Zeus I hope they release an unedited version with a real kiss between Alexander and Hephaistion, especially at the balcony in Babylon and on Alexander's wedding night.

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

Wow. That definitely sounds pretty gay. I think I know what shoshannagold is going to be doing on the day it comes out. :-)

-J

P.S. This post appeared in a REALLY BIG FONT on my friends list. Did this happen for anyone else?

[gloriajn.livejournal.com]

P.S. This post appeared in a REALLY BIG FONT on my friends list. Did this happen for anyone else?

Yes.

[noelql.livejournal.com]

Alright, alright! We'll go tomorrow!

We actually had tickets for last night and bailed because the weather was so bad here. We just couldn't face going out again, so we will have paid twice for seeing it once! *sigh*

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

thank for this post. it sounds like they did a pretty good job of staying true to the story and to what is known from history?

and as a 'by the way'....i'd read on my server's news area (i think they are fed by abc) that some greek lawyers were planning to sue the movie makes because they *dared* to insinuate that alexander was bi-sexual. bwahahaha!

*sigh* we really do live on a strange planet

[destina.livejournal.com]

OMG. *tacklehug* Thank you for this. Thank you, thank you. *foams at the mouth*

[kalyw.livejournal.com]

well, hell. now i think i have to go see this... ;)

[corilannam.livejournal.com]

I highly recommend popcorn, or possibly nachos if available, as an alternative to raw dead horses. Just to avoid possible food poisoning. Don't die like Hephaistion!

[corilannam.livejournal.com]

Yes. This was also my reaction. *g*

[corilannam.livejournal.com]

It would have been nice, but yeah, after Troy I'm so grateful that there was a relationship at all in this one! They could have been cousins!

[corilannam.livejournal.com]

I think I was sort of dizzily bouncing when I came out of the screening, and I clutched my copy of Fire from Heaven all the way home (and mine is older than I am, too. *g*) I'm desperate to see it again -- Monday, at the very latest!

Not that I want to sound ungrateful for the riches of A/H they've already given us, but we really do need those kisses back. Hugs are always lovely, but when you've gone that far already, real kisses are a necessity.

(he gave him a *ring*!! on his *wedding night*!!)

[corilannam.livejournal.com]

As I may have mentioned, yes, it is rather gay. *g*

And I don't know what I did to the font. I'm still getting used to semagic, I guess. It should be fixed now -- not that the Alexander/Hephaistion doesn't deserve the big font, of course. *g*

[corilannam.livejournal.com]

Ick! Bad weather! And I'm not sure it's worth *two* admission prices, even with all the gayness.

[corilannam.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I heard about that. It was the one thing that gave me an inkling of hope that there would be at least a little A/H left -- 'cause there had to be *something* gay left in the movie for the Greek lawyers to be all riled up about, right? *g*

[corilannam.livejournal.com]

Heeeee. You're welcome! I'm glad it did something for you. *g*

[corilannam.livejournal.com]

Heh. I knew I could get you to go, if I could only demonstrate just how gay it really is! *g*

[destina.livejournal.com]

Oh, it did something for me. It makes me want to bribe everyone else to write fabulous A/H. Also it makes me want to see the movie, but I can't til Monday. *g*

[movies-michelle.livejournal.com]

I blame you for the fact that, while I have several movies I want to see this weekend, all I want to do right now is go and see "Alexander" again! Okay, I blame the movie a little bit, too.

Hm, I'm thinking I might be able to go on Monday....

[corilannam.livejournal.com]

I'll chip in on the bribing. Who do you think we can get and how much is it going to take? *g*

I'm going again on Monday, too. Can't. Wait.

[corilannam.livejournal.com]

Hee. I'm going again on Monday, too. Seems to be the popular day. I just want to go immerse myself in A/H. *sigh*

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

*giggles* human beings are very odd indeed. ;)

[margueritem.livejournal.com]

Pretty Hephaistion! *pets him*

So, how did he die? Was he poisoned or was it food poisoning (as in the food went bad)?

I ate before I went to see the movie, but fortunately there were no wild horses trying to keep me away. :D