An Open Letter to Chris Van Hollen
Nov. 1st, 2002 02:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
corilannamDear Mr. Van Hollen,
It was a great pleasure to shake your hand at the Metro station this morning. I have been following your bid for the District 8 House seat with rapt attention, since it was easier than moving into a cave and blinding myself. Thus I was pleased that you are as boyishly charming and earnest in person as you are on TV, where you brighten our every commercial break with your gleaming smile and passionate rhetoric.
You have may have sensed by now, Mr. Van Hollen, that I am going somewhere with this. I don't want to take this as any slight to your vigorous and informative campaign; in fact, I greatly appreciate your efforts to keep the public apprised of the details of this heated Congressional race, so that we'll have all the necessary information with which to elect you. I know your environmental policies, because my household received two brochures devoted to the subject. I know your transportation positions because not only did we get two brochures dedicated to the subject, but I have had them politely handed to me by your enthusiastic campaign staff every morning for the last two months. The same goes for your ideas on welfare, taxes, and the economy in general.
But I have to tell you -- you had me at "Democrat." I mean, Connie Morella has done a fine job for our community in many respects over the last 8 years, but at this point in history, I am feeling the call of partisan politics. Maybe I shouldn't have watched "The West Wing" twice last night, I don't know.
In any case, let me assure you: you have my vote. And since no campaign, not even yours, has bottomless pockets, I'd like to relieve you of the burden of campaigning to me any further over the next few days until the election. I know there isn't much I can do about the TV ads. Fortunately, you're really quite the cutie, so we can just consider those entertainment in thanks for my vote. The brochures, however, can stop. The printing, the postage -- it must be costing you a fortune. And since we have two voters in the house, it's a double drain on your coffers. No, don't worry about my roommate. She's not voting anyway. No, really, it's okay. I've tried.
In fact, we still have quite a few of them, if you'd like them back. Surely there's an undecided voter or two out there who needs them more than we do. I'd give you more, except we already threw out a couple of stacks of them. Just let me know, and I can pop them in the mail to you, no problem. Or just add them to the stacks at the Metro station. I think that's where all campaign literature goes to die in the end.
With regards, and looking forward to your potential victory,
Marnee
Maryland Resident
District 8
It was a great pleasure to shake your hand at the Metro station this morning. I have been following your bid for the District 8 House seat with rapt attention, since it was easier than moving into a cave and blinding myself. Thus I was pleased that you are as boyishly charming and earnest in person as you are on TV, where you brighten our every commercial break with your gleaming smile and passionate rhetoric.
You have may have sensed by now, Mr. Van Hollen, that I am going somewhere with this. I don't want to take this as any slight to your vigorous and informative campaign; in fact, I greatly appreciate your efforts to keep the public apprised of the details of this heated Congressional race, so that we'll have all the necessary information with which to elect you. I know your environmental policies, because my household received two brochures devoted to the subject. I know your transportation positions because not only did we get two brochures dedicated to the subject, but I have had them politely handed to me by your enthusiastic campaign staff every morning for the last two months. The same goes for your ideas on welfare, taxes, and the economy in general.
But I have to tell you -- you had me at "Democrat." I mean, Connie Morella has done a fine job for our community in many respects over the last 8 years, but at this point in history, I am feeling the call of partisan politics. Maybe I shouldn't have watched "The West Wing" twice last night, I don't know.
In any case, let me assure you: you have my vote. And since no campaign, not even yours, has bottomless pockets, I'd like to relieve you of the burden of campaigning to me any further over the next few days until the election. I know there isn't much I can do about the TV ads. Fortunately, you're really quite the cutie, so we can just consider those entertainment in thanks for my vote. The brochures, however, can stop. The printing, the postage -- it must be costing you a fortune. And since we have two voters in the house, it's a double drain on your coffers. No, don't worry about my roommate. She's not voting anyway. No, really, it's okay. I've tried.
In fact, we still have quite a few of them, if you'd like them back. Surely there's an undecided voter or two out there who needs them more than we do. I'd give you more, except we already threw out a couple of stacks of them. Just let me know, and I can pop them in the mail to you, no problem. Or just add them to the stacks at the Metro station. I think that's where all campaign literature goes to die in the end.
With regards, and looking forward to your potential victory,
Marnee
Maryland Resident
District 8
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no subject
Date: 2002-11-01 01:08 pm (UTC)My choice Up Here in our district is between an ultra conservative Republican and. . .an ultra conservative Democrat. The Republican hasn't done squat that I can tell, and the Democrat is a former local attorney who I know to be, well, heck, I'll be polite: he's a jackass.
Still, I'm voting the straight Democratic ticket, if only because they have given me potholders, which I can use vs. wordy brochures, which I can't.
no subject
Date: 2002-11-01 01:22 pm (UTC)-J