The only bit of CC I have for you, if you want it, is to do with strawberries. I think you're picturing blackberries or raspberries, because strawberry plants are low-growing runners, not bushes; and by the same token, it seems odd that they would be described as having 'branches'(I think of trees and bushes when that word is used.) Nor are they brambles (every variety I have ever stumbled across is thornless, despite being in the Rose family). It's also unusual that the plant would be 'in bloom' as you describe, while having completely ripe fruit at the same time, though that's definitely not impossible.
It's not a huge thing, but since you kept referring back to them (w/Niniane, then Arthur, then again at the end of the chapter) it jolted me out of the story each time it was mentioned.
...God i'm glad someone else mentioned this.
I'm loving the story, but...yeah. That really jolted me out of the zone. Strawberries don't have branches or brambles.
On the other hand, I disagree with the 'not in bloom and ripe' comment, since, actually STRAWBERRIES are a serial producing plant and do often have blooms and ripe fruit all at the same time, sometimes for a couple of weeks.
It was the 'bush' and 'brambles' and 'branches' on the strawberries that really threw me.
Which really sucked, since this is some of the best fic I've read in a while.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2012-01-15 03:19 pm (UTC)It's not a huge thing, but since you kept referring back to them (w/Niniane, then Arthur, then again at the end of the chapter) it jolted me out of the story each time it was mentioned.
...God i'm glad someone else mentioned this.
I'm loving the story, but...yeah. That really jolted me out of the zone. Strawberries don't have branches or brambles.
On the other hand, I disagree with the 'not in bloom and ripe' comment, since, actually STRAWBERRIES are a serial producing plant and do often have blooms and ripe fruit all at the same time, sometimes for a couple of weeks.
It was the 'bush' and 'brambles' and 'branches' on the strawberries that really threw me.
Which really sucked, since this is some of the best fic I've read in a while.
Awesome!